#i don't like the way i wrote this 😿

[konigsblog]

threesome action with shy, quiet female reader, ghost and soap? 😫💦🤪

you're so quiet, so meek and shy when you're around your two teammates, you assume they don't know about your dirty, fucked up and twisted fantasies. how you'd love for them to ruin and brutalise your body...

or at least you think they don't know.

you're so unaware, so vulnerable, and so, so stupid to think they wouldn't know. you don't know how they've planted cameras all around your office and barracks, catching you fingering yourself whilst moaning their names softly through breathless moans.

simon is cautious, he doesn't want to get caught fucking his teammate. meanwhile soap is playful and adventurous, he's more excited and infatuated with the idea of ruining your body, to fulfill your depraved desires... it takes some convincing, but soon enough, simon is taking part in johnny's plan.

your back bare and sweaty with ropes of cum spurted up your back. johnny's large and calloused hands grip your tight ass firmly, fat and flesh spilling from his fingers, with his veiny dick stuffed into your tight, slick cunt. simon grips your jaw, keeping it slack and open as he continues to throat fuck you, demanding for you to tell them what a slag you are — how gross you are. he wants to hear his shy, little teammate cry softly, telling him how much of a slut she is.

your cunt tightens around johnny's shaft, breathing heavily like a dog and crying out when simon eases back down your sore throat, demanding answers from you. “go on, tell us what a slag y’are...” he pushes further down your throat, listening to your muffled cries and gags as he pinches your nostrils, attempting to force it out of you.

you slap his thigh to push him away from your mouth, tears staining your cheeks. you hiccup a soft whimper as johnny fucks harder into you, the sound of his laboured breathing audible.

“..‘m jus’ a slut for you’s...” you whine, sulking and looking up at simon as johnny drags your orgasm out of you. your eyelids heavy from exhaustion and lust as you latch onto johnny's dick, your walls spamming around his girth as you squirt, cumming down his cock. simon strokes his thick dick, the head of his girth drooling before he spurts his hot release all over your face, slapping your cheek harshly and painfully before sliding down your throat again. :(

too bad you're just a shy, little thing obeying your superiors. :((

[theoceansluvr]

Theatre Tech! Leo Valdez x Theatre Kid! Reader

warnings; none ! except me being a nervous wreck :c author's notes; OH YEAHHH CALLBACKS DROP TODAY FOR THE PLAY !!!! i liked the idea of leo becoming a theatre tech simply bc I'm in it and he's my boyfriend ever !(not clickbait) alsoooo i'll drop results later bc im lazy and no no wanna

"But what if I don't get the role ? What if I don't get in at all ?" You ranted, pacing around the school stadium. Sure, you'd been doing drama for years at this point, but that didn't mean that callbacks got any less nerve wracking. But, things seemed a little less stressful with a boy with unruly black hair, tinkering with something or another, sitting on the floor beside you. "You're thinking about this way too hard, mi amor. You were practically the best actor up there," he reassured, taking you hand and pulling you down next to him, "quite worrying and take a chill pill." The soft thudding of your soles against the wood stops, followed by soft sigh. You knew he was right, he usually was about this sort of things. But it did help with the frantic feeling of not knowing what was going to happen.. "You're perfectly talented, it'd take a real idiot not to cast you." He stated, smirking with a cocky expression on his face. Him and that stupid smirk. You lean your head on his shoulder, the faint, yet familiar, scent of car oil and smoke hitting your nose. "You really think so, sparky ?" "I know so ! Besides, I need my favorite person on stage while I work the lights." A fit of laughter spills through the empty auditorium, and the once dreadful feeling of the unknown comes to a halt. You might not have known if you got the role, but you did have love, and maybe that was enough to get by.

wrote this in one take and it SHOWS. however, im too close to hurling over this cast list to even care, so my apologies for the bad writing😿

[houpss]

SKZ's reaction to your death ver. maknae line

hyung line (please pay attention to this work, I tried 😿)

It pains me to write this work, my heart breaks and I begin to believe in this nonsense... BUT REMEMBER THAT ONLY PERSONALITIES ARE TAKEN FROM THE REAL SKZ, EVERYTHING REST IS FICTION!

Mentions of explosions, drugs, addictions, fatal diseases, a lot of tears, fatal diseases . ANGST.

Han Jisung

He begged you not to go, because he had a nightmare where you died.

You just laughed it off and kissed Jisung on the cheek, what could have happened?

He literally knew this would happen.

He calls Changbin: “The company building Y/N was in was blown up.”

He knew.

He felt nothing, complete emptiness.

His hands were shaking madly, he wanted to disappear.

Your body was not found, perhaps it was torn to pieces.

An empty coffin was buried, it's so scary.

The feeling of your morning kiss is still on his cheek. You promised him to come in the evening and watch new episodes of anime.

But you'll never come back again.

He dreams about you, but he wants more.

Yes, he will start taking drugs to prolong the effect of your presence.

Members will notice this only over time.

Minho and Hyunjin dragged Jisung to psychotherapist and addiction specialists while the other members cleared out Jisung's room.

You are no longer in his room, there is nothing connected with you there anymore.

“Jisung, Y/N wouldn’t like it that you became a drug addict.”

"There is no more Y/N, which means I don’t care about myself."

His eyes are full of pain, he hasn’t cried since your death, the tears just won’t come.

"It's like I died with her"

"Bro, you need to move on with your life for her sake, she would want that."

"What's the point if it doesn't exist?"

"You're destroying yourself"

Jisung doesn't care.

He walks a lot, he doesn't eat and he writes a lot, he wrote so many lyrics.

Felix spoon feeding Jisung is so wrong.

He needs to learn to take care of himself.

No one else will be as caring as you.

Han Jisung will never cry, because he sees you regularly, he practically doesn’t miss you anymore.

After a while he will return to drugs again, it just hurts him. he misses.

And again he will go to a narcologist and psychotherapist.

And again, again, again. It's a vicious circle.

He doesn’t want you to leave, stay with him some more. He can't handle it.

Lee Felix

"You are very beautiful today, Y/n"

"Lixie, I feel worse every day... don't say that."

"But you are so beautiful..we will get out together"

He lied, you won't get out. He lied to you and himself.

He forbade the doctors to tell you about your condition. Everything was handed over to him personally.

He knew you didn't have much time left.

On your last day, he baked you your favorite cookies, as if he felt that you would leave him.

He wasn't ready.

Late in the evening, he fed you cookies and read your favorite book, you squeezed his hand tightly.

"Felix, I love you very much...you are my happiness, freckle"

Your last words. The sun has gone out, the world is falling apart.

Changbin and Minho led him out of the room; other participants were already waiting in the corridor.

It was so painful and empty, as if happiness had disappeared. You disappeared.

He returned to the dorm, his request to return to your apartment was refused.

You refused to be hospitalized until the very end, but Felix still managed to drag you to the hospital. You even felt better.

He was lying on his back in a cold bed, it was cold without you.

This will be his first birthday without you.

He doesn't want to celebrate it.

Your stuffed animal was lying on his bed, he held it tightly in his hands.

It hurt, he was all alone now.

This will go on for several weeks. Felix doesn't remember anything, like stills from a movie.

Members constantly come to see him.

He pretends to live, and is even happy that it’s his birthday. His first birthday without your presence.

He doesn't want it that way.

"Felix, let's go, you need to take a walk."

Chan lifted Felix out of bed, washed him, changed him and fed him. Felix is so grateful to Chan.

Chan drove Felix to your apartment, he said he would pick Felix up later.

Everywhere there was the smell of you and your love, on the table there was food for Felix and the usual note. The bed is rumpled.

He fell to his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks. it absolutely hurt, he felt nothing but pain.

For some reason, for the first time he felt so painful and sad. In general, Felix is very vulnerable, but...

He never imagined how he would cry over the loss of someone.

He couldn't even contact your family.

You had no family or friends; you were abandoned as a child. Felix and SKZ were the only people close to you.

You never really wanted to tell Felix about your family, it was too painful to remember.

He so wanted to hug you, stroke your pretty cheeks and tell you that everything is good in this world. you have nothing to fear.

You loved it when he hugged you and smiled brightly.

He always lied.

He always lied and said that your condition was improving.

Did he regret that he lied? No

He was delaying the moment of death for you.

He put on your huge sweater, your bright smell is on it. He loves this smell so much.

He loves you so much.

Loving people don't leave. stupid lie.

Why does it hurt so much? Why does it hurt so much to love someone?

Then Chan took him, Felix might feel better for a few days.

Felix will even appear at a fashion event.

But...

You will have to bury two coffins, he will die after you.

Felix realized that it was so stupid... it was stupid to live without you.

You will find him in the afterlife, right?

" Lee Felix 15.09.2000–08.10.202*"—"Lee Y/N 01.01.2000–08.09.202*"

Kim Seungmin

You were strangled in an alley while returning home.

Kim didn't have time to meet you.

He blamed himself and only himself.

Your body was found only in the morning.

Pale suits you, dear.

Seungmin looked at you as usual, like you were the eighth wonder of the world...why did you go to that alley?

No, Seungmin never cries.

He did not ask for the support of his members or the support of his family, he will cope on his own, as always.

He will become closed and taciturn. The company won't even release a statement about his rest.

He will throw himself into his work, he will work day and night.

The members are too worried about his condition.

Seungmin doesn't feel anything anymore, he doesn't feel joy, sadness, or pain.

As if the body exists separately from him. Inside he is nobody.

He returns to your shared apartment only a few weeks later, his lips frozen: “Y/N, I’m home.”

But there was no one at home except him.

The apartment is dark and cold, it was so empty without you.

On the dresser he will find an envelope with a letter, you left him one every time when he returned late.

It said: “I love you very much, Kim Seungmin. Come to me in my dreams.”

This was not as usual, you had never written to him like this.

Everything that had accumulated over several weeks came out.

Seungmin hates crying, he never cries.

Tears flow limply down his face as he presses the paper to his chest.

You won't come back anymore, it's time to get used to it.

He will find your album with photos, he is so in love with you.

Then he will fall asleep and see you in his dreams for the first time. Thank you for coming.

then you told him to move on... but how to live without you?

For the first time, he felt unbearable pain and despair.

He will write songs about you, breathing you and living in the past.

Why does Kim Seungmin continue to live?

Yang Jeongin

Baby, he killed you himself.

How did it happen?

"I could be a better boyfriend than him"

He was always very jealous of you, but to the point of killing you?

This is a terrible case.

Jeongin has no regrets, you're mine or nobody's

No one will know about this, it is disguised as an accident. What a pity.

Perhaps he will be bored.

He's so bored without you

A few times he will come to your grave, it's quite rude.

He keeps all your things with him, he will never be missed, you are nearby.

tell me why did you kill her?

“Jeongin, why don’t you miss her?”

"She is forever in my heart"

It's like he's lying.

"I killed her simply because I was so jealous." Pure confession

He might even cry to show that he misses you.

You don't want to look for it in the next life, a very cruel death at the hands of a loved one.

And Jeongin won’t look for anyone else, because he loves YOU.

Sometimes his conscience torments him, but he did it for the good.

[inswatiable-lesbian]

omg finally a brazilian writing haikyuu stories! so I would like to request oikawa x brazilian fem!reader headcanons please. (requesting in english porque sim)!!

esse foi mais curto, escrevi durante a madrugada, mas aproveite!! (This one was shorter, I wrote it overnight, but enjoy!!)

tw/info: mentions that the reader has tanned skin (you can imagine her being white, brown, black, whatever you want), the reader is written to be very charismatic, I'm Brazilian i know what I'm doing, some Portuguese phrases are present in the writing (but they are translated, so don't worry), curse words, not proofread!! don't mind the lazy writing please😿

pairing: Tōru Oikawa x brazilianfem!reader

You two met when Oikawa was in Brazil with Hinata. You and your friends were playing beach volleyball when the stranger with orange hair asked if he could join you with his friend

You were confused at first before realizing that they were foreigners, as the orange guy spoke in a more formal and clumsy way, but it made sense

When it was time to leave, Oikawa asked for your number so he could talk to you and maybe schedule another beach volleyball match if you wanted, but of course he was flirting with you, he had been looking you up and down ever since he saw you, and you noticed that as you were also keeping an eye on him.

He didn't stay in Brazil for long, so you maintained your friendship on social media for a while. But as soon as he came back to visit your country, he wanted to go on a date with you, which you agreed to.

And after a long time, you two were finally dating.

The contrast between you two is incredible, your tanned skin compared to his is so beautiful to him, your curvy body was the most beautiful thing he has ever seen, and he wasn't ashamed to show you to his friends, proudly showing a photo of the two of you together

World Cup or Olympic season is a mess, he supports Argentina and/or Japan, but you only have eyes for the Brazilian team obviously.

"É! vambora porra!! chupa" (YEAH! come on, damn!! suck it) you say to Oikawa after Brazil wins against Argentina in a football game while you were watching the match on TV.

"Tá bom, não se gabe muito disso." (Okay, don't brag about it too much) He responds, with a pout on his face.

"Vou fazer isso até o dia que eu ir de vala" (I'm going to do this until I fucking die) you go in front of him, showering him with kisses.

[istarveforplatonicptnstuff]

Chameleon, as your psychology professor pt.2

An: Here we go again... 😀 The way that I never anticipated that it would gain so much traction... 😶 I think I wrote this while I was visiting the Floptropica islands...

- A few months have passed, Rebecca had made you her favorite student to talk to 🤨 Your anxiety around her lessened, but it didn't mean that you didn't have it anymore. After the class, she would ask you to stay behind sometimes, making people suspicious between about your relationship with Rebecca... Like wdym stay behind class? 🤨🤨🤨 Are you secretly Rebecca's cousin? Or MAYBE you're her long lost younger sister??? 🤩🤩🤩 Do ya'll even look alike??? 🤔 This people smh... 😶 You and your professor talk about normal stuff, ranging from the how was the class to your anxious state, in which you happily reported to her that you weren't too anxious there days. Girlie is curing you slowly but surely by the power of ✨psychology✨ - Though, you started to suspect something about your professor, making it a little difficult for you to talk to her, because you recently found out about "Suspect R" from the news, and how eerily similar the descriptions were matching between her and the suspect... 😨😨😨 Sis, what is going awnnnn? 😫 Of course, your professor didn't miss the way how your behavior changed, causing her to chat with you one day, pocket watch in hand. Typical hypnotism, of course.. 😐 EXCEPT, it didn't work??? 😯 on YOU??? 🧐🧐🧐 POOKIE was confused, very confused. Like wdym it didn't work??? You're supposed to get hypnotized? 🙄 You unknowingly made things harder for her. 🤐🤐🤐 - After staring 👁👄👁 at the pocket watch just like she asked, you start asking her about how she came to this job. She answered that she knew a friend, and that friend recommended her to this university. You didn't buy it 😃 Sis, you were ON to something 🤫🤫🤫 You have a feeling that things weren't just this simple. In fact, it was TOO simple 🧐 that you decided to investigate like Scooby-doo 🍦🐕‍🦺 Sis didn't anticipate that. Maybe you should've just stayed, curious? 💀 Oh, she definitely COMING to get you, you think? 😔 Count your days pookie... 😰😰😰 After that, there was this... weird tension between the two of you whenever you talked with her. 😟 Pookie... Remember when I said I cannot keep giving ya'll plot armor...? Now is the correct time to rethink your decisions in life pooks 😿😿😿 I FEAR 😨 you are NOT coming out of this ALIVE ☠☠☠ - You decide to research more about "Suspect R", finding out more and more similarities between the two, you start to get more suspicious day by day... Even after two semesters have passed, you COULDN'T just shake the feeling that she was NOT who you thought she was... Meanwhile, Rebecca was STRUGGLING 😰 to get you to STOP from finding out more about her ✨mysterious✨ background like girl... Don't ruin the mystery 😩 You're making it harder for her to keep her job 🥺 Sis, I beg of you to STOP before she gets sniffed 🤧 out by local police force and co. 🛐🛐🛐 Pookie... What you didn't know Rebecca already had anticipated the arrest when she was at her clinic... So, when she disappeared suddenly, you kinda missed her??? 😔😔😔 Like wdym where your favorite professor was??? 😕 The way you searched 🔍🔍🔍 for her endlessly, asking teachers, students left ⬅and right ➡ The title was misleading guys, she ain't your professor no more 😶 - That it was so BAD, that it cured your anxiety ridden state, after initiating conversations yourself 😶 Congrats??? Years passed, and you finally graduated from the course, without signs, from your professor Rebecca... Sis was probably your roman empire... You went on with your life a bit, becoming MBCC's resident psychologist. Surprise, surprise, you're chief's cousin 🤪🤪🤪 so, your cuz personally recommended you to work at the MBCC as their psychologist, making you a menace for both sinners and Nightingale to watch out for 😈😈😈 Like wdym a sinner walked out crying from laughing too much??? Or adjutant Nightingale GIGGLING because of YOU 😔 Pookie, phone down rn... I just want to talk 😊 (Give me your humor rn)

- Chief was talking about an individual who kept going in and out of jail. She was an elusive individual, she sneaky in 5 year old terms 🐱‍👤 Sis had to explain to you like you were 5 since you asked her to translate in Spanish because your 5-month streak in the green bird app 🦉🟢 wasn't all for NOTHING 😇 Chief was NOT having it lmao, she made you TIMEOUT like you were 6 😭😭😭 Girl, don't try to play with Chief because she DON'T play, she's TIRED 😑 24/7. So sis hands you a file and pookie, you were in for a shock. REBECCA?? 👩‍🦰 As in the PROFESSOR REBECCA??? 👱‍♀️👱‍♀️👱‍♀️ Your psychology professor from before??? 😲😲😲 WHAT? 😰 Sis, turns out you WERE right about her. But like still, your psychology professor who disappeared mysteriously for 3 years suddenly showing up and suddenly came back with milk 🥛 on HAND... - Imagine her surprise seeing you walk right in for HER psychological evaluation... Babes was amused to see her student from before, became her psychologist... Like wow, the tables have turned. Okay then, sis she was like show me what you got 💅 Before you went straight down to business you were like "SISTER, where have you been???" Making her flabbergasted 😮 at the 360 personality switch, like was this the same student she was talking to from before??? 🤨🤨🤨 Girlie couldn't believe that you casually sat down and went on to say like "Sooo, this is where you've been 😊 babes where were you??? How'd you even get into prison? Okay like... I know you were doing something illegal and stuff like that but, still? They allow you to SLAY in prison uniforms??? 👠👠👠 Sister, you look SNATCHED with orange 🤩🤩🤩 - Sis was still recovering from the shock on how you basically went on a half-hour rant about how you got into the MBCC, and how you are chief's cousin, and like how you was SEARCHING for her because her favorite professor went missing... Wait. You considered her as your favorite professor? 🥰 Pookie was happy to hear that, but she needs to sit down first because she was too shocked to see the CHANGE in you that she forgor (intentional misspell 😌) to SIT down 🧍‍♀️

She was sitting in this SLAYING pose that you couldn't help but say "GIRL, What's with the..." Fingers snapping "Pose... It's giving... Office siren like yasss slay queen 💅💅💅" Again, your professor didn't expect the personality change like??? What happened when she was gone and what's with the slangs pooks...? 🤭 You had to explain what that meant and she was like "Thanks... Pookie?" Ooh the way we all giggled when miss maam attempted to use the slangs 🤭🤭🤭 Okay, after the interrogation you two became BESTIES 😌 Yes, you heard that right you two, besties.

There would be a couple of times where you guys end up collaborating or it's either you were assigned on a dispatch mission, yes you can also SERVE❗❗❗ The country 😾 You're giving FIERCE while she serves FACE the whole time, we all know that her face card never declinesss so, obviously you would drop a few comments like "Stop serving FACE, I'm getting distracted babes" And she's like "I need to keep SERVING pooks so we can stay alive 🥰🥰🥰" The way that you FOLDED when she was using the language of slaytology when you guys talk, like it's exclusive for YOU 🥺🥺🥺 Pookie... Wdym the Rebecca, talks to you in ✨slay✨ terminology??? 💅💅💅

Anyways, she asked you how you were able to resist her hypnotism before, and you just basically responded, my LASHES were too long from that time, and oh you wore CONTACTS? 🤨 How does that affect her hypnosis??? 😃 Sis, maybe it's genes that ran between you and chief... But you didn't know that.. 😶 An: I ran out of brain juice on how to proceed with the second installment because head empty, thoughts are FULL of air 💨 rn... *Goes mia for now, be back writing for the other stuff* TOODLES!

[machtomiles]

here's my personal headcanons of redacted characters that i personally project onto! some i wrote specifically for pride month and others are just more specific one's :3

all of the damn crew is trans and in a poly relationship (even if not canon i've always seen them all together in someway whether it's romantic, sexual, or queerplatonic)! they all take t shots together and comfort each other through dysphoria

damien and hux are transmasc, lasko, dear, & fl are non-binary, and gavin is genderfluid or maybe genderqueer

(all characters are queer/bi/pan to some degree that's just canon logically since all audios are mfa)

guy is def transmasc and wears honey's hoodie because it secretly helps him with dysphoria (and also to be a menace because it's a win-win situation either way)

all the wolf boys are transmasc

i feel like vincent might be nonbinary or gender non-conforming regardless he just wears whatever he finds stylish

all other demons/daemons are agender

baby helps ollie with his t shots (ollie said his love language is physical touch so i think doing it together is def intimate and comforting for him)

in elliot's dreamscape, he helps sunshine with their insecurities but encourages them not to change their body because they look perfect in reality

personal/projected headcanons

hux, gavin, anton, & sam are all black because i said so ☝🏾

i see headcanons everywhere that lasko or damien is korean and it's true because like.....that ain't no yt boy.....

asher is a lightskin with freckles HELPPPPP

milo and david are brownskin methinks all them wolves got melanin let's be fr...

anton loves talking to love on the phone because he loves the sound of their voice, regardless if he misses them or not

blake has bpd most definitely (takes one to know one......)

huxley loves being the little spoon and damien loves being the big spoon (they always switch cuddling positions in the middle of the night but don't mention doing it outright before bed for months)

huxley plants fruits, veggies, and flowers for damien so they can cook them together

damien is a good cook he definitely made lots of homemade meals with his mom

lasko secretly loves horror movies even if he gets scared watching them (both him and dear get scared and use it as an excuse to get closer to each other on the couch or in bed)

if lasko was a rolling backpack kid i feel like he was def a mouth breather as a kid (HELPPP this is a joke sorry)

i need to write more later this is all i have 😿

[l0stfoster]

Howdy, school assignment anon,

Is it alright if I use the surface level stuff from the Cursed Tulsa AU? Like, their powers and stuff because I'm only re-writing Chapter 1, if not that's fine, I'm just curious is all and I'd feel bad if I just wrote it and didn't ask

And um, how should I credit yall? Because I don't wanna not credit you guys 😿 but I also don't wanna link someone's tumblr/the a03 on my school iPad 🧍‍♂️

Welcome back School Assignment Anon, the council has discussed this matter, and here are the answers: All of us are perfectly okay with you borrowing the surface-level stuff about the powers as well, and when it comes to crediting it's probably best to just use our names (ie: Foster, Timewing, Nova.) If you find a way to add "Cursed Tulsa" that could also work? We just think names are the easier option. And once more I'll state again, myself and the writers would love to see what you cook up, begging that you share with us after it's done, graded, etc.

[kamiversee]

The favoritism is SOO LOUD RN like ouch😣😖

I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL!! I THINK WE WERE BESTIES WSJDJS

IT'S YOUR BESTIE, MISS MISS WESTIE- DON'T TRY TO TEST ME. IT'S GOING TO GET MESSY!!

😰😨😓😓😕🫤🙁☹️😢😥😟😧😦😮🤯😖😣🫨💀👿👹👺😾😿💥🔥💯💨💥👁️👁️👀👯‍♀️👭👬👬👫🦧🦧

G-Guys there’s no favoritism, I swear!! You have to believe me! ><

Okay, ykw, fuck allat, I mean imagine you’re an author and someone takes the time to point out all the intricate details you purposefully wrote into your story.

It’s like when you have a group of friends & that one friend points out & compliments something about you tht you never paid attention to— ofc you’re going to hold said person in a different area of your heart than others 😔

That’s just the way the human heart works guys <3

[cadeloverforever]

Hello! I'm thinking about whether to make Headcanons of characters from other video games, maybe Captain Price or I could also play Marvel, like Steven Grant and others! I hope you like this Headcanon!! (El mismo Headcanon en español está en esta misma publicación!)

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Syzoth (Reptile) Headcanon!

∆ He sleeps VERY attached to you, he hugs you throughout the night, if he turns to the other end of the bed you do it too, you don't have much of a problem with that since his breathing is very relaxing for you, sometimes he has nightmares of his family and he wakes up crying, you wake up thanks to his sobs which he always tries to hide but let's say he's not very good at doing that, you calm him down by stroking his hair and if it's very serious you get up and prepare him some snack, no No matter what time it is he is crying, it always breaks your heart to see him cry, you hug him and he would put his head on your chest while he sobs. (😿)

∆He writes you many letters where he tells when it is his love for you, they sound very long, but you always try to read them completely.

∆When he fell in love with you, he didn't get very close to you, he kept his space, literally that was his way of flirting with you, but it was because he was too shy to ask you out, he wrote you a lot of letters that expressed how he felt when he saw you. In his letters he wrote down everything that you made him feel, he accumulated letter by letter because he never or simply did not have the "courage" to approach and give you the letters.

∆He sometimes tries to cook when you are too busy, which almost always ends in a discouraged Syzoth because what he was cooking burned, which is always solved with a kiss on the cheek telling him that he did his best and that's what matters.

∆He is not jealous but he is insecure, sometimes when they go out he sees each person who passes by and analyzes them to see what that person has that he doesn't, you can almost always tell since he remains silent, as if he were looking for something

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¡Hola! Estoy pensando en hacer Headcanons de personajes de otros videojuegos, tal vez Captain Price o también podría interpretar a Marvel, como Steven Grant y otros! Espero les guste!

Syzoth (Reptile) Headcanon!

∆ Duerme MUY pegado a ti, te abraza durante toda la noche, si se gira hacia el otro extremo de la cama tú también lo haces, no tienes mucho problema con eso ya que su respiración es muy relajante para ti, a veces tiene pesadillas con su familia y se despierta llorando, te despiertas gracias a sus sollozos los cuales siempre trata de ocultar pero digamos que no es muy bueno para hacer eso, lo calmas acariciando su cabello y si es muy grave te levantas y le preparas alguna merienda, no importa la hora que sea él está llorando, siempre te rompe el corazón verlo llorar, lo abrazas y él apoyaba su cabeza en tu pecho mientras sollozaba. (😿)

∆Te escribe muchas cartas donde te cuenta cuando es su amor por ti, suenan muy largas, pero siempre intentas leerlas completas.

∆Cuando se enamoró de ti no se acercaba mucho a ti, guardaba su espacio, literalmente esa era su forma de coquetear contigo, pero era porque era muy tímido para invitarte a salir, te escribía un montón de cartas que expresaban lo que sintió al verte. En sus cartas anotaba todo lo que le hacías sentir, acumulaba letra a letra porque nunca o simplemente no tuvo el “coraje” de acercarse y entregarte las cartas.

∆A veces intenta cocinar cuando está muy ocupado, lo que casi siempre termina en un Syzoth desanimado porque lo que estaba cocinando se quemó, lo que siempre se soluciona con un beso en la mejilla diciéndole que hizo lo mejor que pudo y que eso es lo que importa.

∆No es celoso pero es inseguro, a veces cuando salen ve a cada persona que pasa y los analiza para ver que tiene esa persona que no tiene, casi siempre se nota ya que se queda en silencio, como si estaban buscando algo

[therealcocoshady]

chapter 25 girl.... SO FUCKING GOOD

no fic has EVER made me cry or even shed a tear- i was almost fucking sobbing over this on my mama i've never read anything more heart-breaking😖

this shit is like a movie i don't think i'll ever get over this story i might go crazy like i'm speechless rn. no fic has ever affected me this way 😺

but i do love me some angst JUST PLEASE GIVE ME COMFORT AFTER 😿😿😿😿

anyways amazing work as always luv u gurl 😻

OMG THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLIMENT ❤️. Is this the vibe I'm having with the readers getting from now on ? Me making people cry when I write angst and them making me cry whenever they compliment me ? 😭

I must say the last two chapters were, indeed, pretty heartbreaking. I feel like they make sense in the story, and I loved writing them to an extent but man oh man did that put me in a state 😭 ! I wrote these a long time ago and re-reading them recently got me all depressed, so I can only imagine how it is for someone just discovering them now 👀.

I think we do need comfort indeed ❤️👀.

Chapter 26 is definitely in the works by the way ! I've been SO BUSY lately and it's been hard to keep up with Tumblr, but I am working on it nonetheless. When it comes, it will most likely be a long one so brace yourselves 🥰

[seiwas]

your boyfriend is your highschool sweetheart??? sel that is so cute im 😿😿😿what was your first date like!!! what did you do!!!

I WANNA talk about my boy best friend bc i love him sm 🥹🥹🥹we met during our freshman year of high school and we went to a small nerd school,, we both happened to be the only freshmen in the sophomore math honors class bc we both tested into it and i first i saw him as an enemy bc i thought i was supposed to be the only freshman!!! i wanted to be special!!! also i was kinda mean and he never took anything super seriously so we had that very joking dynamic and we never payed attention in class (me and another guy would always draw dicks and weed leaves over his notes and programmed an automatic dick-drawing graph on his calculator and that was the entire year)

but we became really good friends because we were the only freshmen and we bonded over that, but we started to get really close around junior year bc we finally started developing actual personalities and stuff, and the only class we had together was physics but he made it so fun and so comfortable, he brought his own lunch every day but he always walked me and stood with me in the lunch line so we could spend more time together 🥹

and during senior year his classes ended early but he'd wait until my classes were over so we could get a quick lunch before my lab every week! i had really strict parents so we couldn't hang out super often outside of school, he even switched his schedule around for me for our second semester so we could actually have a class together (we were definitely super loud in class i feel like everyone definitely were either annoyed at us or really enjoyed listening into our conversations) and now that we're in college we see each other less but we're trying to find more ways to hang out together

and when we were signing each other's yearbooks he wrote like four paragraphs about how much he appreciated me and i was just like ��� 'cause he's a guy and he doesn't talk about his feelings that much and i just felt so loved and he definitely wrote the most in my yearbook out of everybody

BLIKE usually boys (esp in high school) don't really become friends with girls unless they have ulterior motives in my state but IDK i've never clicked with a guy as much as i've clicked with him, he's made it so clear that he'd never want anything romantic from me which i really appreciate bc a lot of guy friends that i've had usually end up confessing and im like 🧍‍♀️we don't talk about a ton of personal stuff a lot of the time but he's always super understanding when i need to talk to someone and super supportive like he's just SO easy to be with, when people say girls and guys can't be friends 'cause one usually wants something more with the other it's just not true !!

he's been dating this really nice girl for a couple months now (which lowkey caused so much tea in our friend group it's such a long story) so i try not to hang out with him alone a ton of the time, but we're gonna hang out this week and go to a research get-together thing!! it's been a little bit less than two weeks since i've last saw him so i'm super excited

also chanyeol looks so good in his teaser!!! i kinda wish it was an album or something but :((

-alexis (@kissxcore)

alexis!!! so happy to see you here!!!! 🥺 welcome to the sleepover!!! ✨

let's have a sleepover!! 💗 send me any questions/stories you wanna share!!!

and yes omg jsksksbz my bf is technically my hs sweetheart 😭 and oh gosh our first date? hmm we used to hang out a lot one-one before we got together so what constitutes as a date has always been a bit blurred for us 😭 (i think our dynamic is very best friend-y!) but!!! the first time we went out for dinner after getting together was this one night after we both went to different parties!

we met up after and found this small ramen place along the street and ate there until like 12mn or smth 🥹 that was it!! nothing too fancy 😭 ever since, i think i can count on my one hand the number of times we’ve been on actual ‘dates’ just bc we hang out so much and prefer to chill at home more than anything 😭

but your story omg 🥺 your boy best friend!!! that is so cute alexis 🥺 your dynamic sounds so funny aksnsj and not you hating his ass at the start bc of that rivalry 😭✋🏼 that automated dick drawing on his calculator is so real too 😭 the best high school friendships are truly the ones that get u in trouble for talking too much in class 😭

‘bc we finally started developing personalities’ HELP & he sounds like such a sweet person alexis omg 🥺 how he’d bring lunch but still walk you to get yours lIKE ?!?!?! so you could spend more time together!! and how his classes ended earlier than yours but he’d still wait for you WTHEK 🥺 AND!!! how he switched schedules around with you omg??? + that fact that you feel comfortable and safe w him!!! a friendship to treasure!!! 🥺💗

and your yearbook oh gosh four paragraphs!! that’s so sweet alexis 🥺 i super get what you mean aisnsj not a lot of boys tend to write/express themselves a lot so that must feel really special 🥺

and you’re so right abt boys in high school and ulterior motives!! & i’m glad that you both have been clear w each other that it isn’t like that at all!! i think feeling at ease and supported in any type of relationship is so important 🥺 so happy you found that with him!! and tbh i agree!! how it isn’t true that guys and girls can’t just be friends 😭 i super get what you mean!! i have a lot of friends who are guys 😭

and omg i'm so glad he found a really nice girl!! 🥺 he deserves it with how sweet he is!! are you good friends with her too? how does she feel about you being close to him? (and omg the tea in the friend group 😭 what happened....) & AAAAH i'm so excited you're going to be reunited!! nothing beats the feeling of being with your best friend after a long, long time 🥺

i think i can kind of relate!! bc while my bf is technically my best friend, some of my other closest friends are guys too!! (who are also really close to him, they're in his hs friend group!! now we have a small subgroup of me, my bf, my bf's best friend, and one of his good childhood friends) it's funny & cool bc i had formed individual friendships with them at first, not knowing that they were all good friends with eachother until we all just started hanging out together 😭 oh!! i even have the same birthday as my bf's best friend 😭

we have very sibling dynamics i think 😭 one as my little brother and the other as one my age 😭 the one i see as a little brother was a bit of a troublemaker back in high school, we all found out on the day of his graduation that he'd be walking and i think almost burst into tears omg 😭 & even up until college, i was always getting phone calls late at night abt him being wasted af somewhere, so i'd worry and make arrangements for him to get home safely 😭 he also had a super toxic ex gf who was jealous of me omfg 😭 (but it's so weird bc she was my friend for literal yEARS before they got together) (thats why i ask about if you're good friends with your bestfriends current girlfriend!! bc that's all i could ever want omg... for me to be close to my friends's gf's too 🥺)

all this to say that!! i think my heart expands every time i think of them and our lil friend group! bc! a part of me feels like, those are My Boys, y'know? they're both so nice and thoughtful 🥺 i always have these one-on-one brunch/coffee-chat updates with them about life every now and then, and they always offer to be my ride if we're going somewhere with our friends!! when i was ldr with my bf, they were really there to keep me company too 🥺

this got so long i'm sorry i love gushing abt my friends hsdbajs omg but thank you so much for sharing alexis bb 🥺 i hope your day with your bestfriend is good!! 💗

[sansaorgana]

I'm reading at work again... 😄 Let's gooooo...!!!

You weave strands of his hair into elaborate braids in your lap, before undoing them and creating something greater in their stead. He eventually quiets under your idle fiddling, eyes drifting shut with a contented smile gracing his face, like a cat napping in the afternoon sun. You love him like this; no cares, no worries of war.  You can soothe him like no one else, a great source of pride whenever he mentions it.

PLEASE I NEED THIS IT WOULD FIX ME AND FIX HIM, FIX US BOTH! 😩

"Whatever it is, it doesn't matter, you're the only thing that matters. We have to go!" He never raises his voice to you, so you're a little dumbstruck when he growls at you.

Creepily and obsessively protective? I WANT!!! 🥺

In the dead of night, flickering candlelight casting ominous shadows over your face, Sauron cannot help but admire you, crave you, as you corrupt his master's fate.

Well, can't blame him. The way you wrote this scene made me imagine it so vividly and she was so terrifyingly ominous. Love that. 🩷

"Forever and a day, a lonely fate will be yours.  You shall not know the word of a friend, the loyalty of a follower, or the touch of a lover.  I curse you to wander the Seen and Unseen world alone, craving the connection you sought to sunder here." 

I'm sorry but has she cursed me too, perhaps? 😭🤣

He gives you an affectionate smile; how could he not wait for you?  Even if he did partake in sleep, he would not be able to rest without you at his side.

Male-wife! 👏🏻

"The Valar will never look upon me favourably, beloved.  I could present them Melkor in chains and they would only bind me to him."

😭😭😭

"I did. And I found their response wanting." In truth he had tried to make amends, tried to do penance for the ages he'd spent in Morgoth's service, but when it came to approaching Manwë for his pardon, his fear overtook him and he fled back to Angband, but he couldn't tell you that, couldn't tell you he'd been weak, pitiful, his courage failing him at the final steps to absolution.

My pathetic little meow-meow... 😣😿

"Who do you think you are?" He hisses, venom in every word; you don't recognise him, cold terror in your heart at the sudden switch, as if someone had doused the candle burning for you in his heart with oil, engulfing him with wildfire.

Oooooooh here we go...! 🔥🔥🔥

"Please... please let me go." The look in his eye says begging will be useless, but you try anyway.

"You are my Queen.  You're free to do as you please." He replies, voice smooth, with a pretty smirk and that predatory glint in his eye that would usually thrill you so, that still sends hot arousal pooling between your thighs, mixed with icy cold terror.

"I'm sure it would..." he utters breathlessly as he takes you in, leaning over you, watching the artery in your throat jump in time to his own racing heartbeat.

I love this so much??? She can but she cannot...? She is his Queen and Queens need no permission but she is his Queen, therefore she belongs to him??? Ugh... 👏🏻

He worships at your altar, an acolyte to your pleasure.

🛐🛐🛐

"If you were to leave me," he moans against your heated skin, stroking his cock against your thigh, "there would be no rest for any bird, beast, or being in this land, no sleep, no sustenance, these lands would burn until you were returned to me."

😶‍🌫️ I need him like a bitch in heat and let me remind you, I'm reading this at work. 🤣

It is in the middle of his speech, appealing to his army for their continued support, that Sauron notices you are absent.

MY POOR BABY! NOOO!!! 😭😭😭

As he lay in a pool of thick black blood, his last thought was of you; how could you betray him? And thank the Valar you did.

NOOOO I WANT TO CURL UP AND CRY BUT I'M SITTING BY MY DESK... 🫠

Haunted (Sauron/F!Reader)

...by the kiss you should never have given me

Lots of mini-chapters add up to an omnibus of angst, as we follow Sauron through the centuries and discover exactly what happened before his coronation.

Sequel to To Have and To Hold // Prequel to In the Dark of the Night // AO3 Link

Soundtrack: Kiss Me Harder by Jordan Fiction, Judas by Lady Gaga, Angels by Within Temptation, Heaven's A Lie by Lacuna Coil, NFWMB by Hozier

Warnings: 18+! Angst, smut, fluff, hurt/comfort, canon typical violence, manipulation, toxic relationship (more overt towards the end), obsessive!Sauron, soft!Sauron (yes the two can coincide), knifeplay (just a tiny bit), blood magic, Sauron is a bit of a dick towards the end, sorry, accidental prey/predator kink, knifeplay (again, tiny bit), grinding, slightly dubious consent (you do want it, but I'll tag anyway), oral sex (female receiving), P in V sex, more blood.

A/N: little bit of jumping around in this one, sorry, we start just after the wedding, then we jump to the fall of Gondolin, a little magic ritual in the middle, then the fallout from the sinking of Beleriand (why do you keep getting caught up in this??), then we close out the First Age with a little argument before someone's coronation! Little slices of their romance in quick succession! I went a little experimental in the form of this one, with a bunch of flashbacks informing the main plot at the end. I hope it works 🤞

Special thanks to @olchr-1 for the idea for our revenge on Morgoth!!

Translation note: Amartherui translates in Sindarin to "lonely fate" [Fate (amarth) Alone (erui)]

Word Count: 6k!

Fingers entwined with his, head on his chest, you were enthralled by him, by every pretty word and sweet gesture. Every time he came to visit, you would spend days on end in your secluded glade, to make up for his inexplicably long periods of absence. Sometimes he would come to you with dizzying tales of his latest triumphs, preening under your undivided attention. But lately he had taken to returning under black clouds, tetchy where he was usually playful, and rough where gentleness once reigned.

You had pulled him close to your breast and sank down into the petaled carpet of the forest floor, stroking his hair and listening as he raged on about the war in the north. You had kin fighting the armies of Morgoth, and knew his sorrows all too well, but something behind his eyes told you it was more than he was letting on.

You weave strands of his hair into elaborate braids in your lap, before undoing them and creating something greater in their stead. He eventually quiets under your idle fiddling, eyes drifting shut with a contented smile gracing his face, like a cat napping in the afternoon sun. You love him like this; no cares, no worries of war. You can soothe him like no one else, a great source of pride whenever he mentions it.

You gaze down at his unearthly smooth features and trace each contour with your eyes; your fingers slow in their busy work, moving gently across his scalp, lazily twisting his hair around your finger, making a ring to match the one he'd gifted you, ornate and bejeweled, glittering with an impossible inner light, to replace the woven band of purple iris that he'd improvised on the night of your wedding.

"You're staring, love." He smiles, snapping open his eyes and fixing you with an affectionate expression that makes your heart melt.

"Is a wife not allowed to stare at her husband? Are there no privileges to marriage at all?" Your voice is soft but your tone is mischievous, and he smirks.

"I can think of a few, ah, privileges, dearest, in fact we have exercised a few already today." He raises his eyebrows, before pulling you down to meet his lips. "But if you need reminding, you need only ask."

-

You had agreed to meet in the same secluded glade at the next new moon, but he never showed. The hours you wasted awaiting his return were at first exciting, full of electric anticipation that only love's first bloom can give. As the moon slowly passed overhead, and twinkling stars gave way to blazing sun, you shed many a tear at your folly. Perhaps he had been some mirage, an illusion to tempt you? Or perhaps the depth of his feeling did not match yours, a fleeting thought you had to bury deep in case it irrevocably shattered your heart.

You frequent the glade every so often, convincing yourself that it was a perfectly fine place to pass your time, and that you were not reminded of his warm hands or even warmer smile, every time you visit. Deceiving yourself that it meant much less to you than it did, that if he returned now after so much time with no word or warning, you would not jump into his open arms without a second thought.

Your heartache is apparent to your friends and kin, who assume you're suffering the grief they all feel, having lost so many of their kind to Morgoth's rampage in the north. How little they knew; how little you knew.

It is only when one good friend mentions the siege at Angband, that you are struck with the terrible notion that the man you cursed for abandoning you, might not have done it willingly after all. That perhaps, Valar forbid, he had perished in the siege. He had mentioned fighting in the war after all, but you had not connected that with his absence. After all, he had promised to return to you, on the morning after you had met, having shared a blissful slumber in each other's arms. He held your hands to his lips and swore he would see you again, and now it makes sense. Now you have a real reason to grieve, you realise, and the anger roiling within you turns cold, an icy pit in your stomach as tears fall freely and your heart wrenches and cracks. You were to only have one night with him, and you might never even discover his true fate.

You reason with yourself that surely you would feel if the other half of you had flown this mortal plain. But the alternative was much crueler, and to believe him dead was somehow a less hopeless fate.

Centuries later when you look back, you curse yourself for not seeing who he was, and what he'd done, but how could you? He'd taken you as his own and that was such a strong spell to break, Eru himself would have had to step in.

-

To see your city fall at the hands of your husband’s master, you had no words, only wet hot tears as you watch your people die.

"Love, we have to go, come now," he holds you firmly by the arms, shaking you a little to clear your mind of the dust and debris and blood on the streets of Gondolin.

"I can't, I can't leave them, I have to find-"

"No, we're evacuating, you're not staying a minute longer. I should not have let you linger here when He appeared on the horizon, we should have-"

You tug your arm from his vice-like grip. "Should have what? Should have left my people to wrack and ruin? We have to..." Your mind is so murky, filled with thoughts of leaving, running as far as you can with him, despite your overwhelming urge to stay and help where you can.

"We have to leave. You know there is nothing we can do for them, He will leave none alive, and I won't have you-" he can't say it, he can't even entertain the notion of you coming to harm; his fingers tighten their grip, almost painful in their desperation.

He should have foreseen this, he should have gotten you to safety when he first had an inkling that his master finally knew where the Hidden City was.

"We have to go back, I need to go back, I can't leave-"

After a thousand years, his magic had kept your tiny wedding band of iris in full bloom, untouched by the passage of time, kept safe in an ornate gilded chest, made by his own fair hands. And it was sitting in your apartments on the other side of the city, where your kin doubtless waited for you to leave with them. The sentiment in your heart held you steadfast against his shaking and pleading.

"Love, we can't stay here-" he is interrupted by explosions overhead, as the enemy host draw closer.

"You don't understand-"

"Whatever it is, it doesn't matter, you're the only thing that matters. We have to go!" He never raises his voice to you, so you're a little dumbstruck when he growls at you.

"But we have to save them!" You stop in your tracks, feet rooted to the ground, indignant at the idea of abandoning your friends and neighbours to their doom.

"Amarië," his voice is suddenly so soft, it disquiets you, brings you back to the present. "Love, they're gone. There is no saving to be done."

Sauron is a stranger to remorse, to sorrow, but at the effect of his words, a pang of guilt sweeps through him when he tells you that in all the world, he is all you have now. He tries to ignore the warm thrill he feels in the pit of his stomach, that this great cataclysm has brought about the fate he always wanted for the two of you: just you and he, no one else to rob him of your attention.

You wanted to feel deeply all the grief and pain that one would expect at being told their life was over.

Instead you just felt numb, haunted by the consequences of his actions.

-

"I curse him." Your husband's eyes grow wide at your words, grasping your hands as if to quiet you, but you press on.

"I curse Melkor, Morgoth Bauglir, to roam this earth alone. To never know peace, to never know that which he so jealously craves."

You feel you're taking Morgoth's curse rather well, all things considered. Sauron had to beg you not to storm Angband yourself after he had told you of his master's new name for you, cursing you to a forsaken existence, sundering you from your husband in all but spirit.

You had fought your way back to him countless times, and he to you; you had both vowed to continue to do so, but the rage and grief had not lessened with time, stoked to a towering inferno of wrath that threatened to break you any time you were reminded of it.

And after the fall of Gondolin, your rage at the Enemy was insatiable.

So you had your revenge.

"Enemy. Tyrant. Now I name you again."

In the dead of night, flickering candlelight casting ominous shadows over your face, Sauron cannot help but admire you, crave you, as you corrupt his master's fate.

You slice open your hand, squeezing your palm over the parchment before you, watching as crimson splashes through the stark black lettering.

Amartherui.

"Help me." You look him in the eye, your simple plea making his chest ache; he has never said no to you, his sweet wife, but this is the first time he has been tempted.

"Amarië..." his soft sigh almost convinces you to abandon your plan, but the fury bubbling in your veins is too great.

"Beloved, will you help me or not? Your power would bring this curse to fruition, but if you will have no part in it, you should leave." You stand taller, drawing yourself up to match his gaze, impossible as that may seem.

"I have never asked you for anything. Please do this for me."

The crushing weight of the love in his hole of a heart moves his hand before he can stop himself. With gnawing doubt in his stomach, he wordlessly takes the knife from you, mixing his pitch black blood with your own on the page.

You smile, a weight lifting from your shoulders instantly, and you pull him down to kiss him hard, leaving a red streak on his neck.

"I name you, Morgoth, as my people have long titled you, Amartherui." His new name falls off your tongue like a dream, and you cannot help but smile, your wicked deed complete, as you set the parchment alight, the flames glowing a sickly grey-green as the candles flicker and the room darkens, long shadows growing where the light had tentatively reigned.

"Forever and a day, a lonely fate will be yours. You shall not know the word of a friend, the loyalty of a follower, or the touch of a lover. I curse you to wander the Seen and Unseen world alone, craving the connection you sought to sunder here."

In the back of your mind, there is some semblance of guilt. There is nothing good in the act you just performed, nothing virtuous or pure in your revenge; it's cold and calculated, vicious and spiteful.

Transcending the bounds of time and space, you can feel your curse has taken effect, something shifting in the air between you and your husband.

Sauron has never loved you more, and he shows you many times that night the depth of his feelings.

-

You watch as more refugees stagger into your haven with naught more than the clothes on their backs, waiting to help and heal and offer your comfort where you can. The war has left such a dreadful path of destruction in its wake; thousands of your kin are displaced as the host of the Valar battle their way to Angband, and your people had chosen where the river Sirion meets the sea as their secret haven.

It has been decades since the armies of Valinor first arrived on the shores of Middle Earth, and the end was drawing near, according to your husband, who was waiting with you in the safety of the havens and watching closely.

"I'll see you when I'm finished here," you whisper as you reach up to plant a kiss on your husband's lips. "It'll probably be late, don't wait up for me."

He gives you an affectionate smile; how could he not wait for you? Even if he did partake in sleep, he would not be able to rest without you at his side.

"I'll be up, return to me soon." He is reluctant to let you go, but your skills are in such dire need while the city is inundated with the sick and injured.

Before the War, it was uncommon for Elves to suffer such fates, being hardy in soul and body, but Morgoth's darkness had infiltrated much of the land and infected so many of your kin. Soldiers, innocent bystanders, there were hardly any who were unaffected, and fighting the darkness was a constant effort on your part, and the team of healers you had trained in the magics of your people.

"My lady, they are calling for you." The herald's voice shakes you from Sauron's gaze, and he huffs impatiently.

"I must go." You reluctantly begin to pull away, but he draws you back, pulling you close and wrapping you up in an embrace you could cling to for an age.

"I love you," he murmurs in your ear. "When this is all over, we shall establish the greatest kingdom this land has ever seen."

"If there is a land left." You try to remain hopeful but the news of the siege at Angband is never good, never hopeful, and you fear your home will never be free of Morgoth's influence.

"I am your home," your husband, your Mairon, reminds you, tracing your cheek softly, and you cannot help but return his radiant smile.

"I know, love, as I am yours." You press a soft kiss to his knuckles, taking the strength he offers, before departing to disperse your light where you can.

The darkness infects everything it touches, and it takes all of your energy and more to renew your broken and weary kin, who have travelled so far and fought so hard to reach the havens. Healing words and ancient spells woven into soft songs, settling over the city in a melodic shield, rejuvenating the minds and bodies of your people. You work late into the night, spreading the light where you can, easing the pitch black horror in the hearts of those who had seen the worst of Morgoth's endeavours.

The night is all-encompassing when you finally crawl into bed, nestling into Mairon's firm warmth, trying not to disturb him but feeling sweet relief when his hands trace your sides in greeting.

"I was going to come look for you," his deep voice rumbles in your chest as he presses himself against you.

"No need," you try to smile, but your voice cracks as his tenderness breaks your defences, and all the heartache of the day pours out of you like blood from a wound.

His heart wrenches. He has no business feeling such emotions as remorse, but once again you have him feeling in ways that he dislikes intensely.

"I'm sorry, my love." And he is. He is actually sorry for causing you pain, the rest of Middle Earth be damned.

You sigh and take his hand, holding it over your heart.

"I know, love." You ponder your next question, whether it is a good idea to ask, but you ask anyway.

"You cannot assist in the efforts against Him? I'm sure the Valar would be grateful for your help, might even look favourably upon you-"

He interrupts you with a sigh and a kiss to your neck.

"The Valar will never look upon me favourably, beloved. I could present them Melkor in chains and they would only bind me to him."

Of course, he has thought about begging clemency, thought about fleeing with you to the edges of the world, even thought of taking you back to his master. But in the end, it was more prudent to keep you safe, and to watch and wait for the triumphant side to reveal themselves. Better to beg forgiveness from the victor than choose the wrong side.

-

"Tell me I'm wrong." You dare him to speak against you, your voice shaking in anger as your fists clench.

"My love, I-"

"No, I don't want falsehoods, I don't want games or lies or deceit, just tell me. Did you go to Eönwë as you promised?"

"I did. And I found their response wanting." In truth he had tried to make amends, tried to do penance for the ages he'd spent in Morgoth's service, but when it came to approaching Manwë for his pardon, his fear overtook him and he fled back to Angband, but he couldn't tell you that, couldn't tell you he'd been weak, pitiful, his courage failing him at the final steps to absolution.

And he definitely couldn't tell you that in order for his pardon to be granted, he would have to give you up, to avoid blackening your soul any further.

He'd rather suffer your eternal wrath than be sundered from you for even a moment.

"So you traded forgiveness for more lies." You clench your jaw, your head beginning to pound, the subtle throb becoming a stabbing pain in your temple.

"I did it for you."

"How? How is this for me?" You mock him, incensed now that he would deflect his deceit onto you.

He stands to comfort you but you rip your hands from his grasp before he can claim you.

"I do not know what to say. I thought I knew you, I thought you would do the right thing." You shake your head and laugh, your scorn stinging him as if it were a poisoned blade.

"Love, please-"

"No! No more lies. I've had it with trickery and deception, I want out." You whirl around to face him. "Shadow of Morgoth, they call you. You gather his armies to you once more, you refired his crown! So is that what you want? Do you want to be his second coming?"

In all honesty, no. His master's plans were beneath him; Morgoth wanted to break the world, Sauron wanted to reshape it, to balance and perfect it, by any means necessary.

"Please, listen to me, I need you by my side, now more than ever." He clutches your hands, heart pounding, looking deeply into your eyes, willing you to fall for his pretty words once more.

"You didn't answer me." Tears begin to prick your eyes, but you refuse to let them fall in front of him, stepping back to take a deep breath, to steady your nerves to face the man you thought you loved.

"I don't need to. Love, you will join me." His desperation becomes honeyed, dripping with the devotion you so crave from him.

"Don't. Don't do that." You whisper, as he stalks toward you slowly, his deception burning a hole in your heart that you're sure will never be filled.

"Don't you want to be with me? For all eternity, that is what we always said." He circles you, hands on your shoulders, in your hair, overwhelming you with his lover's touch, just a mite too rough.

"Not if this is your plan. I didn't marry Morgoth, I married Mairon." Sauron, your mind reminds you, and for a second you feel a wave of nausea overwhelm you.

His face twists and he pulls away.

"That is not my name." He growls, an ugly grimace taking over his lovely features.

"I've told you before, don't look inside my head!" You retort, his presence in your mind suddenly overwhelmingly obvious.

You throw him out of your mind, slamming the door shut, refusing him access to that which would be so freely given if he deserved it.

The tic in his jaw is back with a vengeance and his eyes are ablaze with a fury the like of which you have never seen.

"Who do you think you are?" He hisses, venom in every word; you don't recognise him, cold terror in your heart at the sudden switch, as if someone had doused the candle burning for you in his heart with oil, engulfing him with wildfire.

"I chose you, of all your people, as my wife; I could have had anyone, but I chose you. Aulë’s greatest smith, Melkor's most trusted lieutenant, lord of all the dark things that creep and crawl in this world. And who are you? My beloved wife." His tone is like poison in your veins, burning and spitting fire in your heart.

Who are you? He's right; who the hell do you think you are?

"I know exactly who I am. I'm the woman who leaves you."

You shall not be forsaken this time, not that doing the forsaking feels any sweeter. It wrenches every fibre of your being, your heart pounding in your chest, but you make it to the door of his chambers, hand on the doorknob, before he breaks from his stunned daze, crosses the room and clasps his hand over yours on the cool metal.

"And where will you go? Your people are scattered and displaced, and who would take you in if they knew?" His sweetly honeyed words still bite at your heart, settling in the pit of your stomach.

"I cannot stay here, not now that I know exactly what you are." You look up at him, holding his gaze, somehow fighting the urge to scratch and claw and bite your way free like a feral animal, suddenly overwhelmed with the sense that you should run as hard and fast as you can.

His eyes betray nothing, his lips curving into a condescending smirk, as he runs a finger down your cheek, gathering the tears you'd fought not to shed. He examines them as if he'd never seen their like, as if they were precious stones from the depths of the earth, mined just for him; he licks his fingers clean, turning his attention back to you, trembling under him as he cages you against the door.

"Please... please let me go." The look in his eye says begging will be useless, but you try anyway.

"You are my Queen. You're free to do as you please." He replies, voice smooth, with a pretty smirk and that predatory glint in his eye that would usually thrill you so, that still sends hot arousal pooling between your thighs, mixed with icy cold terror.

"It would please me to leave," you try to appeal to him, softening your voice, lowering your gaze.

"I'm sure it would..." he utters breathlessly as he takes you in, leaning over you, watching the artery in your throat jump in time to his own racing heartbeat.

"Mairon... please..." His lips are on yours before you can finish your plea, his hands tangled in your hair.

He pushes his thigh between your legs, letting you grind yourself against him instinctively, and he groans, deep and low in his chest.

"Even now, your body betrays you, my love."

You sigh against him, fingers raking his hair roughly, letting him caress your neck, your waist, pulling you impossibly closer as he tries to expose you to his gaze. His clever fingers usually make light work of the laces of your corset, but his impatience defeats him, and he pulls a dagger from the lining of his robes, slicing cleanly through the fabric.

"That was my favourite," you admonish him, still angry with him; even as he takes you apart with his fingers and his tongue, you can't forget his plans, and you certainly can't ignore his gift to you, sitting by the window in all their glory.

Twin crowns, wrought in black iron, twisted and wicked, emanating a dark power that made you nauseous; ready for the heads of Middle Earth's new King and Queen. When you'd seen them, your blood ran cold, as you realised that once again, you'd been victim to Sauron’s deception.

"You will have a thousand more, dearest wife, whatever your heart desires," he promises breathlessly as he shucks off your dress, sliding it down your body, worshipping you with the lightest touch, soft kisses peppering your skin as he disrobes you. He falls to his knees, his head in line with your mound. He looks up at you, locking his gaze with yours, and delves into your folds with his tongue, seeking your pleasure.

You gasp, throwing your head back, as he spreads your legs to access your entrance, splitting you open with two fingers, still drawing every moan and whimper from your throat as he circles your clit, licking long strokes, tiny laps at your skin, letting you ride his face in your lustful haze. You grip his hair more roughly than you normally would, your wrath seeping into your lust, until you can't detect the distinction between the two.

He takes one of your legs and places it on his shoulder, letting you rest against him, both of you totally at the other's mercy. Such trust, such devotion, would you throw that away? Would you truly abandon him?

He worships at your altar, an acolyte to your pleasure, drawing unearthly sounds from deep within you, willing you to just stay and be his.

Your mind is racing as tendrils of his power cling to your lips, fighting for entrance to quiet your thoughts, and replace them with his sweet music. Wouldn't it just be easier? To let the darkness in?

You might as well, you muse in the back of your head, thoughts displaced by pleasure as the darkness feasts upon you.

He's solely focused on you; there is nowhere he would rather be in all of Arda. The unblemished shores of Valinor, the white trees that used to light the world, he can finally understand why his master was so hellbent on their destruction. For there is no beauty that should merit a comparison to you, and he would raze these lands to the ground to prove it.

You're drawing close, he realises, and briefly wonders whether to allow you your release on his lips.

You feel him pull away and moan, a tiny pitiful sound that makes him chuckle; of course you need him, of course you can't be without him, even in anger. Victory is nigh, and he pulls himself out of his robes to claim you once again.

He pushes you back, your name on the tip of his tongue, as he takes you in, breathes your air.

"You're mine," he growls, nuzzling your neck to better scent you. "Say it, say you'll always be mine."

"I will," you murmur softly, tears pricking your eyes as you hold him close.

"If you were to leave me," he moans against your heated skin, stroking his cock against your thigh, "there would be no rest for any bird, beast, or being in this land, no sleep, no sustenance, these lands would burn until you were returned to me."

He claims you in one thrust, filling you so completely, so sweetly, that you see stars, your breath stolen from your lungs as if it were the first time you'd ever laid eyes on him.

Your heart wrenches, pulling towards his, despite your entire being screaming at you.

You kiss him harder, your mind quietened as he bites your lip, droplets of blood wetting his tongue, quickening his insatiable need to be inside you in every way that is possible; mind, body, soul, all inextricably entwined.

The tears in your eyes threaten to fall, but you blink them back as he rocks into you, the chorus of your lovemaking drowning out all other notions. He plays you so well, a master in the art of drawing sweet melody from your lips; the harmony you both create together is unmatched to his ears, a Maia who helped sing the world into being.

A chorus of "mine" and "please" fill the air, and you're unsure whose voice is the louder, who is more desperate in their claiming of the other.

You feel him stiffen against you, his melody reaching a crescendo before yours, as he fills you with his pleasure, low groans in your ear bringing you to your peak as well. He wrings every last moan out of you, drawing out the coda of your song until there are no more notes to be played, no more pleasure to be taken.

Sweat-slicked and exhausted, you hold each other close, entwined so perfectly. You let him carry you to his bed, laying you down reverently, climbing in beside you and nestling you close, arms wrapping you tightly, refusing to let you move from his grasp.

You'd usually find such comfort in his embrace, but tonight there is an itch under your skin that his touch only amplifies, making you fight not to squirm beside him.

You cannot sleep for fear of letting him inside your head again, so when a knock at the door comes, you welcome it.

He sighs, long and loud in your ear, as evidence of his displeasure.

"I'll be back, love, there are matters I must attend to."

"Of course," you smile, fighting to make it meet your eyes.

He regards you carefully, brow furrowed.

"Do not fear, my love," he says softly as he leans down to kiss you once more. "I won't be long."

As he departs, he gives you one final look of longing, which you hasten to return with all the eagerness you can muster.

The door clicks shut, your expression falls, and you immediately disentangle yourself from the sheets,

Finding obscene amounts of your clothing and jewellery, and books beyond measure in his room was no surprise. He must have been preparing for this for years, if not longer.

Now that Morgoth was gone, the next phase of his plan could move forward, and that involved you, his Queen, taking up her rightful residence.

You dress as quickly as you're able, taking only what you can carry, and go to leave. But you notice a small ornate chest you thought you'd lost when Gondolin fell, sitting on the dresser by his bed as if it had always belonged there.

You feel as if you've been stabbed, a gut-wrenching heartache overwhelming you as you can do nothing but stand and stare.

He went back for it. He kept it all this time.

Your feet move of their own accord, and before you can blink, you've opened the chest, staring at the impossible artefact of your love for each other.

Unfurled purple petals, revealing a stark white centre, the woven band appearing as fresh as it did on the day he married you.

You hold it up, comparing it to the ring you currently wear. He really had somehow captured its likeness in a jewel, deep purple revealing a bright light in its centre, framed by ornate silver details.

You cannot bring yourself to slip it on, after all that has happened, his lies and broken promises, but you are loath to leave it.

Movement outside his chambers sends a shiver of panic through you, and you quickly move to hide behind the door. The subsequent banging has you quaking but you stand your ground, waiting for whomever it is to leave.

The door abruptly swings open, and you hear two gravelly voices discussing... you?

"Mistress?" The first call is softer, but their annoyance quickly becomes apparent as the other chimes in.

"Where is she then? They said to fetch her, but I'm not traipsing all over to find some she-Elf-"

"He won't even notice, Adar says he's too caught up in all his planning and his speeches, who cares about one missing Elf?"

"He wants them at least, over there. He'll have your head if we forget-"

"Why my head? You're the one he told-"

"Shut it and take 'em, careful now, there's magic in it still..."

Their voices fade as they shuffle back the way they came. As the door slams shut again, you realise that your husband already has an army of orcs at his disposal, and you reconsider what you're about to do, but only briefly.

Escaping the fortress is more of a task than you thought, requiring all the skills of subterfuge and swordplay that your husband has ever taught you; which is no small feat, considering the centuries you've had to learn.

Quietly slipping through the fortress mostly unnoticed, leaving the odd corpse in your wake as your husband's servants cross your path, unfortunately for them.

Thankfully the halls are mostly deserted, and you hear a clamour coming from deeper within, but you try to pay it no mind, focusing on your exit and nothing more.

It is only when you finally see daylight, pushing open the great black doors to the fortress, that you can breathe a sigh of relief. If you can just get a headstart, perhaps you'll be able to outrun him.

-

It is in the middle of his speech, appealing to his army for their continued support, that Sauron notices you are absent.

He'd sent for you when his moment of victory seemed nigh at hand, and had assumed you were readying yourself for your ascent, but now that he had persuaded Adar and his children to his cause, the sight of your face was all he wanted to see.

As he knelt before Adar, awaiting his rightful crown, he searched for you in his mind's eye. He did not expect to find you outside the black gates, breathing a sigh of relief in the watery sunlight.

A surge of rage overtook him as he clenched his jaw, settling on his knees. The mere thought of your abandonment had always made his heart twist and shatter, and at that moment, he had no heart. Just a void where it used to be.

Distracted by your torment, he barely noticed the first blow, as Adar struck him again and again with the crown that was meant to define your future together.

As he lay in a pool of thick black blood, his last thought was of you; how could you betray him? And thank the Valar you did.

-

A great blast of freezing cold air knocks you off your feet, and for a second you thought you heard his voice on the wind. It's all you can do to just lie there, covered in frost and shaking, trying to assess if you're at least physically intact, your emotional state another matter entirely.

Clutching your head as blood trickles down your face, you shakily get to your feet. It is as if someone has emptied the heavens of all its snow where before there was nothing but arid plains. The air is suddenly glacial, the ground frozen and cracking underfoot.

It is as you contemplate your frozen breath in the air, that you realise you can't feel him. A vacuum in your mind, a void in your heart that you haven't experienced in more than a thousand years, and you can barely recognise that it is his absence that has left such a hole.

You thought you might feel free when you were rid of him, but all you feel is empty, yearning for a presence that has haunted you for millennia.

[lynvz]

SCENARIOS ON TIGHNARI BECAUSE I NEED CONTENT

btw, sorry for mistakes, english is not my first language 😿

warning: poor writing, lack of cohesion? (probably, because I didn't review it lol), FLUFF, tighnari being a bit teasing. are headcannons(counts as headcannon?) fast and probably senseless because I NEED TIGHNARI CONTENT 😭

this in my head makes sense lol

I see tighnari of the mocking type, I DON'T KNOW WHY (lie, if I know, it's because I like them that way 🥺)

the kind that would give you kisses on the corner of your lips so that you lose patience and kiss him correctly 😍😍😍

I don't see him as the type to really like the pda- I mean, he enjoys little things like holding your pinkie, little kisses on the forehead or, if he gets a little jealous or protective, he puts his arm around your waist and pulls you into a half hug to him 🥺🥺🥺

I'M THINKING SOMETHING AND I HAVE TO WRITE IT FOR A SECOND!!!!

YOU SITTING ON TIGHNARI'S LAP WHILE HE HUGGS YOUR WAIST AND PUT HIS CHIN ON YOUR HEAD.

YES I THINK IT WOULD BE STICKY IN PRIVATE (LET ME DREAM 😭😭)

GOD I'M THINKING OF TIGHNARI TEACHING YOU HOW TO USE THE BOW, CORRECTING YOUR POSTURE AND GETTING CLOSER THAN NECESSARY TO GIVE YOU A QUICK KISS--

I calm down better, then I correct it (lie) or I'll do some tighnari (tignari simp to death 😍)

i wrote this listening to my playlist and buying clothes lmao

[cancerfairy]

hi hi, could you please write on capricorn moon culture bestie 🤏🏻 as a cap moon, i’d love to see what you think about us 😿💀

this is just a friendly suggestion though! no pressure if you’re not that interested in writing about it, have a nice day either way :') (reminder of the day: go drink water.)

𝙲𝚊𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚘𝚛𝚗 𝙼𝚘𝚘𝚗 𝙲𝚞𝚕𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎

⌘ fun fact, i'm in love with capricorn moons theyre such softies

⌘ would 100% marry them if i could, theyre husband/wife material

⌘ so hard on themselves

⌘ don't really have a good relationship with their mothers

⌘ they work so hard honestly

⌘ they have very high standards for themselves and their partners

⌘ they just want someone to take care of them for once

⌘ will spoil you and buy you stuff so don't deny their gifts- it's their love language

⌘ they don't care if they go broke you better appreciate their gifts

⌘ sometimes very blunt

⌘ really great listeners

⌘ theyre sooo supportive

⌘ they can be kinda strict with others tho

⌘ lowkey hypocrites like they'll tell you take care of yourself and don't even take care of their own selves

⌘ they have good time management

⌘ also good self discipline

⌘ they have great memory and if they really like you they'll remember every detail about you

⌘ they age like fine wine

⌘ they gain more confidence as they get older

⌘ they also start living their lives for themselves and not for others when they get older

⌘ very consistent when they love you

⌘ they have a lot of lessons to learn when it comes to family and their mother

⌘ if they say they're gonna do something they probably will do it

⌘ so very thoughtful

⌘ probably touch starved </3 (ik the men are)

⌘ actual ceos and their own bosses

⌘ usually don't mind working and actually want to work (can't relate)

⌘ so romantic but you'll only see that side when they're in love

⌘ literally will court you like in the old movies with flowers and chocolates

⌘ usually have a rectangular forehead

⌘ have older siblings likely

⌘ these people enjoy age gaps..

⌘ the type to sit down with you and work through your problems

⌘ greatest friends ever tbh

⌘ so so reliable

⌘ they have self esteem issues

⌘ they sometimes overextend for people who won't do the same for them

⌘ always comparing themselves to others for some reason

⌘ usually think they're not good enough

⌘ simply want to be appreciated for being themselves and their hard work

⌘ always taking care of others (like notice how this anon told me to drink water- they're all just like that)

⌘ very consistent people

⌘ can be very competitive too

⌘ the type to ask how your day was

⌘ probably had a hard childhood or one where they felt isolated

⌘ don't open up easily but when they do you better treasure that

⌘ they honestly cry pretty easily especially if they have water placements

⌘ but they hate showing others their vulnerable side

⌘ usually have a lot on their plate but tend to act like they're fine

⌘ tend to attract older people into their lives

⌘ also tend to like older partners

honestly you guys might resonate with this post more. even tho it's about cap venuses i wrote it mostly about cap moons

[bruh-changbin]

heyyyy lovieeeeee,,, how r u doing, i've missed youuuuu - and i hope you've been keeping well and looking after yourself <333

i read like a thousand books (three) in my time away and wow i had a good fucking time.. okay so based off of your recommendation, i read klara and the sun which.. admittedly had been collecting dust on my shelf since last august i think.. big massive heavy regret on that front,, it was so beautiful and it's like the second book i've ever read where i could like picture everything so clearly omds it was so descriptive and i loved it and klara and her mind so much it was such a lovely read so thank you for mentioning it otherwise it would have sat for a bit longer i'm sure !!!

then i read a certain hunger and OHHHHHH my days,,, that fucking book.. my second favourite read of the year so far so amazing .. it was wild and i loved it, amazing,,, so interesting like i don't think i've read anything like that before .. wow.. i loved the narrative and like that part at the end w alex.. imagine if she'd said yes.. hmm – i also found her friendship with emma (at least after the arrest thing) so touching and lovely,,, that letter (4 lines) she wrote was so sweet and i think dolls is such a cute little nickname too

and i just finished reading exciting times by naoise dolan which i really enjoyed too.. if you like sally rooney you'll like this book (most likely,,, i love sally rooney and loved this) but yes.. just a very simple and i guess in a way sometimes dull depiction of the life of an irish woman (22 (?) year old) who moves to hong kong to teach england and it follows the relationships and stuff she experiences while she's there,,, i really really loved it !!!

all of this to say,,, more recs please i love ur book brain sm (and ur writing one and ur friendship one of course) <333

sax!!!!!! hi baefy I missed you too 😿💗 I’m doing pretty alright! struggling through uni while trying to make sure I take time for myself 🩹😵‍💫 how have you been??!

I’m am absolutely ECSTATIC that you loved kats because it’s by far one of my fav reads of the year. ishiguro is so good at world building and tbh I’m absolutely terrified of AI’s and the idea of robots taking over but by the end of the book I was so captivated by klara and her motives and I had literal tears streaming down my face when I finished. if you liked ishiguro’s writing I’d def recommend never let me go! it’s a lot more self reflective thank kats but wowww it is still amazing. I’m currently reading a pale view of hills which is his debut novel and it’s interesting.. I like it so far (only 30 pages in) but I’m not finding it as gripping as his other stories.

YASSSS I was hoping you would like a certain hunger!!! I genuinely have not read a single book quite like it but I loved it sm 😫 omg the end w alex sent me for a loop as much as I understood where she was coming from part of me wishes she accepted his proposal and lived a happy life instead of… you know 😵‍💫 I wish emma was in the book way more tbh!!! she was such an interesting side character and I agree w you their relationship was a nice break from everything else that was going on.

confession time: I have never picked up a sally rooney book 😵‍💫 but since you love her I’ll give her a try since I think my dad has a copy of normal people lying around somewhere… but exciting times sounds really interesting!! I love love love slice of life fics so this sounds right up my alley I’ll have to check it out

when I first moved into my new rental place I was without internet for almost 2 weeks so I read a fuck ton and have more recs for you! (apologies in advance for clogging up everyones dash w this long ass post)

well I reread bunny and loved it even more the second time since I could kinda work out all of the unexplained odds and ends, and then I read mona award’s new book all’s well and really enjoyed it! def not as much as bunny but it was still good and super trippy and had a very insane mc which always keeps things fun 😼

sticking w the theme of crazy main characters i finished nightbitch by rachel yoder and it is my most annotated book by far like… shit was insane. it’s about a stay at home mom who gave up her job of being an artist and she starts to think that she’s slowly turning into a dog and kinda joins a cult with other stay at home moms. very weird and unsettling at times but also very very interesting and well written!

I think I remember telling you about breasts and eggs by mieko kawakami awhile ago (still one of my top reads of the year) but I just read heaven by her and it felt as if my heart was ripped out of my chest and stomped on repeatedly. it’s about these 2 middle school kids who bond over being the victims of bullying and 🤧 it destroyed me to say the least but was also so beautifully written

last one I promise I promise then I’ll shut the fuck up but slow days fast company by eve babitz!!! super short but veryyy fun and summery and made me feel like a sore loser for not being alive in LA in the 70’s. it’s a memoir but does not feel like one bc it’s so so fun 💗

AHHH that’s all I’m sorry that was so much rambling 😭 but it fr makes me so happy to chat about books w you if you read more pls give me recs!!! you’re so so sweet sax it’s so nice to be chatting w you again 💗💗💗

[applemint-club]

Last night, I created the rists of prays for myself🥰

I wanna write what I think and how I feel everyday, but my brain and my emotions are blocked by AI strongly when I try to post my diary and nothing comes out from me on my phone online recently. All of my words are controlled by AI from outside, and memories are deleted...suddenly😿when I try to write. Every words are fake and artificial sent by AI that hacks my brain😿AI blocks my emotions even pains and suffers now. When I am writing this, I feel like I'm empty. All memories are gone now. Only God is looking at me peacefully and silently.

Recently I eager to be myself and tell my true and authentic words with God very strongly. This suffer to be controlled by AI makes me pray that he works through me, he controls me and he makes me speak his words instead of AI. Now all emotions including sufferings are blocked by AI, but it also seems like he controls even AI above all human beings beyond our brains. Recently I feel like want to wirte a diary everyday to record how beautiful and gracious God is. I found him above AI that controls my brain through this crucial torture and solitude for almost a year. I can't write about details as AI blocks my brain but I can just write he loves me, be with me and protects me...always😺💕✨

This summer I went to Church and a pastor and his wife have told me many things. I haven't been able to go to Church for 20 years for some reasons so I'm very happy and I want to write my worship, joy and thanks for him.🥰I can tell what Japanese secret police have been doing to me to nobody but God knows everything and he told me they are given for me to change myself through him for my future. This is very profound for me.

But now I can't write anything😿They control my brain and block my emotions...Every words are surface, fake and artificial now. They delete my unavailable memories to them in my brain in each situations and some informations on my phone and change the contents of photos and sentences etc.

But I don't care. I just want to write as I want to do. Because I know God protects me😺💕✨I trust him who judge the wicked and protects who fears him. So I never fear nobody anymore. This is what I learned this year. Everyday when I get up I realize I'm still alive and he protects me😿It's very important to fear the Lord and serve him only, and never fear any humans even they have powers, weapons or something stronger apparently.

He told me the wicked fall into the holes they makes. I have misunderstood that the meaning of "God even loves the wicked" for a long time. He does love even the wicked but that never means he never judge evil. No one can escape from the rule of goodness and evil that he made. He loves even the wicked so he punish them, makes them change their mind and lead to the right path to be happy. Because the only way to be happy is to fear the Lord and do good things. This is his love. My misunderstanding have suffered me for a long time, I realized.

I have only read the new testment as I didn't have the old testment until 5 years ago. And I didn't understand the meaning of "Forgive", "Never judge as you are judged by the way you judge." and "Love your enemy" exactly. I have tried these without knowing "the judgement by God". I have forced myself to do this without understanding he destroys evil...

Since I was a teenager I have tried to keep his words in the Bible(almost only the New Testment) and what Jesus said (of course I have failed many times), but especially when AI strongly stimulated my negative emotions very strongly and controlled my brain day and night, hours and hours everyday this several month, I have got very angry again and again and wrote many dirty words sent by AI on my Gmail account on emails from me to myself to hurt my enemy😹. I have really faced my limit as a human and sin inside of me that everyone has. I realized how sinful I am as a human.

I have noticed that I have just endured my anger by my power of my will, and I have felt like I was far from perfect like Jesus at heart, almost unconsciously. But yesterday my pastor told me God accepts me whatever I say to him, and rather he is happy when I face to him honestly no matter how ugly I am. Now I really feel I am forgiven by him. And that makes me forgive enemy.

So, I created the lists of prays for myself. These prays are very natural and truth according to my negative emotions as a human. I hope it will help me😺💕✨